Happy New Year everyone! It’s finally 2019.. Honestly feel like this year has been a long time coming. I know it has for me and I’m so glad to start a fresh new year with a fresh mindset.
As it is now 2019, I wanted to make this year the year I start to get me sh*t together and hopefully achieve everything I’ve wanted to throughout my life. Not only do I want these things to happen this year, but in the next few years to come, for it to be continuous.
I’m never really one to set goals/resolutions, because I know I won’t stick to them. But I finally have and I will be so proud of myself if I achieve all of these things:
Self love is so important because how can you love anyone else if you cant love yourself?! I have spent SO many years not loving specific things and as I’m now an adult, I’ve learnt to grow that I am who I am, no one else is like me. I’m my own unique person and I need to stop constantly thinking horrible thoughts about when I look at myself in the mirror.
This is the most important goal/resolution that I want to stick to for the rest of my life because I am sick of feeling sad about myself.. As depressing as that sounds but I always do. Mainly about my skin and body - and they have affected me mentally. Wanting to changed my appearance, wishing I didn’t have these certain features, wishing I had certain features etc.. And with how social media is huge these days, it doesn’t help either. But now, I have learnt to accept that I look the way I do, and If I wanted to change anything, then I can.
Talking about appearance, I know I want to properly take care of my skin because it’s so delicate and important to look after, that I want to find new skin care to help sort everything out. I have struggled since 2009 with my skin, with always getting spots and scarring. It’s the main thing that I’m insecure about and I want that insecurity of mine to just stop. It would make me feel 100% better about myself. And not feel paranoid when I’m out in public when not wearing makeup. I of course DO NOT wear makeup to cover spots and scars up, even though when I do wear it, I’m happy that my full coverage foundation and powder does the magic for me and makes me feel a little more confident. But having suffered with spots for the majority of my teenage life, It’s hard to deal with when being outside, thinking that people are constantly staring. So I’d love for my skin to clear up at least.
Confidence is a HUGE part of me loving myself. And that goes for being confident in myself, the work that I do and produce and being confident around other people. I have always been shy around others when I don’t know them and get terrible social anxiety. Wanting to leave but knowing I can’t as I’d be rude to. Not speaking much so instantly thinking I’m being rude. Thinking people wont like me. So many things that I could list and I want to just show my personality instantly. Not when someone get’s to know me.
Having more confident in the work that I produce, my blog for example and makeup looks that I create. I am such a perfectionist when it comes to work, so I’m extremely picky and indecisive so I know what I like and if something doesn’t look the way I want, I will instantly change everything. And I always have to get someone to give me their opinion before releasing stuff just to be 100% sure if something looks okay and always go off by their opinion instead of my own. I just need to produce work, love it share it!
This goal sounds depressing come to think of it, but I spent most of 2018 unhappy with myself and life in general. Not because of the people around me. But because of the direction my life was in. I left my 4th and final year of college at the end of June, and as I studied media makeup, I was constantly trying to find a job within the industry. And we all know, It’s a very competitive industry to be in. I knew what type of job I wanted, and I couldn’t get into it.
Working on a brand counter was not what I wanted to do, you’re mostly selling the products, rather than actually doing makeup yourself. I wanted to work in a salon along side amazing MUAs and part of me was of course wishing I got the job at the time, but I think as I’d just left college, didn’t have any clients and needed to fund my own space in the salon. I didn’t get it. Which was a huge let down for me. I was happy to have the opportunity to work in a salon, I truly loved the experience and felt like I was at home. The women who were in the salon doing nails and hair were so kind to me and felt like they were my friends already. The place was lively and fun and it’s definitely a FUTURE goal for me to have my own salon. Plouise (Paige Louise) has always been a huge inspiration to me when it comes to owning my own salon. She went from nothing to having her own academy and own makeup brand.
But for now, I’m going to focus on my blog and build up my makeup Instagram account instead of doing makeup on others. Unless I get asked to, then I totally do not mind. The problem is finding to people to practice on is hard. I prefer to do makeup on others as it makes me more happier to glam someone up. Makeup is art, so to transform someone else is amazing! I of course love to apply makeup to my own face, but I get more joy out of applying makeup to others.
My last reason to not being happy last year was a job that I was in, it was my first ever job and I was happy at the time to have it because I was finally earning my own money, saving it up, buying what I wanted, going on holidays and trips with my boyfriend, treating him. Everything. Once you have money, everything seems so much easier. But as the months went on, I felt physically and mentally drained with it. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I am grateful for having the job, but the timeI had it for, I knew I wanted to leave after 5 months. And I’m glad I left when i did and had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and a smile on my face.. And here I am, with a new job within a passion of mine. I do want to work within makeup more. But a job is a job at the end of the day, I’d rather have this job that I’m in now, then have no job. And I’ll find my way to the makeup industry when I can.
2019 is the year for me to stop sitting on my arse doing F all. I have spent way too long, wasting so many days of my life doing nothing with my days. It’s honesty boring. When I’m not in work, I stay in my pyjamas, watching TV or YouTube, having naps and not using my time wisely. When I could be doing something worth my while. I can get blog posts planned, typed up, photographs taken, edited. The lot. I hate when I get asked what have I been up to all day, and I say nothing.. It makes me realise how much I’ve wasted my day.
For my final goal, not just for myself but for everyone everywhere.. We should realise and understand our self worth with the people in our lives. Whether it’s a family member(s), friend, relationship partner, work colleague etc. I have spent far too many years of my life since my school cutting people out of my life because I came to realise that they were never the person I thought they were. Yes they may have been the greatest friend ever back then, but as years went by, they changed for the worse and I didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Do not keep people in your life for the sake of it.
Lets make 2019 a great one! Creating new memories and enjoy my life the way I should be doing.
What are your resolutions for 2019?